Need
by queerpoet
Summary: Luke and Reid talk it out after Reid chooses Luke over his job.


Luke felt like throwing up. He stared at the phone in a daze. Reid wasn't answering. Reid quit his job for Luke. Reid thought Luke and Noah were back together.

Luke wanted off the crazy carousel that had become his life. He couldn't stand the constant push-pull between the two of them. He needed to act. He needed to push back. Shoving his phone into his pocket, Luke stood, and headed to Katie's.

_You are going to talk to me, Reid Oliver. You don't have a choice._

Reid gently set Jacob's teddy bear down on the counter. Everything in his life had fallen to shit, but at least he still could fix Jacob's toy.

Jacob. Reid shouldn't dwell on his problems, he was supposed to be babysitting.

He entered the nursery, and sat down.

"Hey, little guy." he said softly. "I quit my job today. So you'll be seeing more of me for a little while. I did it for Luke, to prove to him how much I love -" Reid choked on the word. Luke had chosen another. He did not deserve Reid's love. "how much I care. But my plan totally backfired, and now he's back with his Prince Charming."

Reid paused, and exhaled heavily.

"You know what, kid? Don't ever fall in love. It hurts too much. I can't stick around and watch them play the happy couple. After all, I'm not a masochist."

Reid felt moisture on his cheeks, and didn't bother to wipe it away.

"Damn it, Luke." he whispered hoarsely. "Damn it." Reid felt the pressure rising in him, and he was too tired to tamp it down. He began to sob loudly. Reid refused to cry in front of the kid, so he grabbed the monitor and stumbled to his room.

Reid hated crying. He hated watching people cry, the sound of it, a shuffling river of disgusting emotion. Reid hadn't cried in decades. The last time had been tears of joy when he got into medical school. He shunned love like the plague. Then he had finally fallen head over heels for someone, and look where it got him.

Reid bit his thumb to muffle the hideous sound, but to no avail. Finally he surrendered, and wept in earnest. He wanted to rewind the last six months, and just be the proficient doctor in Dallas again. He wished he'd never met Luke. The pain of losing him was unbearable. Eventually, he fell into sleep, clutching the baby monitor.

Luke stood in front of Katie's door, and steeled himself for battle. He knocked with purpose. There was no answer. Luke had seen Reid's car outside, he was definitely here.

Luke knocked again, more forcefully. He could hear Jacob begin to cry. Worried now, Luke tried the door, and found it open.

"Reid?" he called.

Luke immediately went to Jacob's room, and found him fussing in his crib. He picked him up, and rocked him gently for a few moments. Soon, the infant drifted back to sleep.

Satisfied that Jacob was asleep, Luke quickly went to Reid's room. He could hear his heart thumping loudly. He had no idea what to expect. The door was ajar. Luke rubbed his palms together nervously and stepped inside.

Reid was dreaming. More accurately, he was having a nightmare. He was back in the broken elevator, but Luke wasn't there to talk him down. Reid could feel the panic begin to bubble up. He tried to concentrate, but without Luke there to encourage him, it was useless.

Reid finally slumped onto the carpet, and put his head in his hands.

_I hate tight spaces. I hate Oakhell. Most of all, I hate Luke Snyder._

Suddenly an annoying beeping sound pierced his thoughts.

He bolted upright, gasping for air. He turned to stare at the now silent baby monitor.

_Jacob. Shit._

What the hell happened? He couldn't have fallen asleep. Reid would never forgive himself if something had happened to Jacob.

Reid jogged out of his room, head first into Luke.

Luke saw Reid charging towards him, and the next thing he knew, he was flat on his ass, Reid glaring down at him like a pissed off bull.

"Luke," he said, bemused. "What are you doing here?"

Luke stared at Reid, who looked even worse than at Java. His face was red and splotchy. His eyes were bloodshot. He was dripping with sweat. Luke could hardly believe it, but it looked like the clinical Dr. Oliver had been crying his eyes out.

Luke knew he had to use his every ounce of his charm to stop Reid from throwing him out.

He forced a smile, and said, "I came to find you. Uh, can you help me up?"

Confusion ran rampant in Reid's eyes. Luke sensed he was still half-asleep.

His face cleared, and he quickly knelt to help Luke off the floor. Luke missed the touch of his hands, even the touch was perfunctory.

"Watch where you're going, Luke. I have to check on the kid."

_No, you don't._

Luke grabbed Reid's shoulders firmly, and said, "Jacob's fine. I woke him up with my knocking, that's all. I rocked him back to sleep."

Reid blinked quickly, absorbing the news. He felt the fear subside. Jacob was okay. But now Luke was here, surely to gloat about his reunion.

He summoned the cold, crisp tones of Dr. Oliver, but it was like clinging to a slowly sinking life raft. He had no fight left.

"Thank you for your help, Mr. Snyder. Now take your do-gooder butt home, and leave me in peace."

Luke cringed at the remoteness of his voice, but underneath, he could hear the crackle of suppressed emotion.

Reid was barely holding it together. The touch of Luke's hands was like a warning. If he held on any longer, it was going to make him physically sick.

"Luke, let go of me." he said softly. "I'm not going to listen you expound on your great love. Leave me alone." He tried to shrug out of the touch, but it was like superglue. Reid had no idea Luke was so strong.

Luke resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He maintained eye contact, and firmly stated, "I'm not leaving you alone. I'm not leaving you, period. The door was unlocked, you were asleep in here, anything could have happened." Luke began to walk, marching Reid back into the bedroom. He gently shoved him onto the bed. Only then he did remove his hands.

"Don't move," he ordered. "Sit down, shut up, and listen."

Reid's mouth fell open slightly in surprise. He wanted to get up and order Luke out, but instead he sat quietly. His head was swimming with thoughts of what could have happened to Jacob. For the first time, he allowed himself to believe that Luke really was here for him.

"I'm not with Noah." Luke sat down to Reid, and placed his hand on his knee, stroking it reassuringly.

"I'm not ever going to be Noah again. I want you, Dr. Oliver, and only you. I was such an ass to you about the hospital, and I'm so sorry. I should have never got pissed about your plan. You had an impossible choice to make, and you tried to compromise."

Luke swallowed, and tried to gauge the reaction from Reid. But it was like staring at a blank slate. He soldiered on.

"But you can't compromise by yourself, Reid. If you want to be with me, you need to include me in your life, totally. I let Noah completely define me, and I'm never going to do that again.

_"Never."_ he said fiercely.

"Reid, you amaze me. Your fire, your passion, the way you won't settle for anything but excellence in your life.

"I want to be your boyfriend, and your partner. I don't want you to be alone anymore. The last few days have been killing me. It's been agony without you."

Luke exhaled sharply, and waited for a response.

_Agony. That's rich._

Reid wanted to give into Luke's words, but it all felt so incredibly hollow. He didn't truly believe that Luke would ever want to be with him, not when Noah was still in the picture. When he'd seen Luke and Noah laughing at the coffee shop, it was like someone had shot him in the heart. He could still feel the bleed, dripping into the rest of his chest cavity. He knew right then that he had given up his mission in life for a immature little boy who would never ever love him. It didn't even matter that they weren't together now, they would be. Reid wouldn't be able to handle the hurt when Luke went back to Noah.

Reid felt the bullet again now, speeding into him without remorse.

It was so fucking useless.

He got up, sliding away from Luke. He turned his back on him, crossed his arms in front of his chest.

_Just go away. I can't let you hurt me again. _

"Reid?" Luke asked tentatively.

He moved forward, and gingerly put a hand on Reid's shoulder.

Reid reacted like a snake had bit him. He spun around, and aggressively grabbed Luke. He leaned forward and steamrolled him against the wall on the other side of the room.

Luke let himself fall limp, and stared deeply into Reid's eyes, which darted back and forth like a hawk. He didn't even want to breathe.

Reid felt like a coiled spring. His muscles tense, he studied Luke's face intently. The stupid spiky haircut, the chocolate brown eyes. He pinned Luke against the wall, and ran a hand along his groin, teasing. Luke hissed. Reid forced his mouth onto Luke's, his tongue lashing out. Reid nibbled on Luke's bottom lip with a ferocity that drew blood. Finally, he released Luke, whose lips were trembling. Luke tried to kiss Reid, but Reid recoiled, and said sharply, "No."

"You had your say, Luke. Now it's my turn. I don't believe anything you say. I abandoned my whole life to come down and heal your boyfriend, and now I'm completely in love with you. You have managed to, in the span of a few days, completely destroy me. Because of you, I somehow managed to cry -" Reid gritted his teeth, and spat the word like poison. "_Cry _myself to sleep like a fucking pussy, and leave a six month old to fend for himself. You don't get to march back into my life, and give me some sappy speech, and expect me to just bow down at your feet. I endangered that baby, and it's partly because of you."

Luke tried to speak, but Reid shook him into silence.

"No! If we do this, it's for the long haul. I won't allow you to hurt me again. You can't give me any guarantee that you won't go be with him. You don't even love me, Luke." Reid exhaled harshly. "You don't even -"

_I love you, Reid. I love you._

Luke thought the words, but they were stuck on his tongue. Reid was right. He couldn't give him any promises. Any declaration now would just like desperation on his part.

So instead, Luke did the next best thing. He forced Reid to let him go, and stepped forward into Reid's arms. Luke wrapped his arms around Reid's shoulders, and drew him close.

He closed his eyes, and felt the tears stain Reid's shirt.

"I love you, Reid." he murmured. "I love you. I want us to be together. I need you, baby." His voice cracked, as he released the tension he'd felt all afternoon. "I need you."

Reid had tried to struggle against the sneak attack hug, but it simply felt too good. He relaxed into Luke's embrace, and let his hands fall naturally to rest on Luke's butt. He let out a trembling sigh, and whispered, "I need you too. I need you."

Luke pulled back slightly and regarded Reid's bloodshot eyes critically. "You also need about twelve hours of sleep, I bet." he said, smirking. He kissed Reid's forehead, in a long lingering motion. Then he moved to kiss underneath Reid's eyes, licking the tears away like a cat. "I love you." he said, after each kiss. "I love you. I love you."

Reid shut his eyes, relishing the sensation of Luke's mouth. He felt himself being led to the bed, and looked at Luke curiously.

"Just sleep, okay." Reid said, chuckling. "I am beat."

Luke giggled, and rolled his eyes. "We've established that, Dr. Oliver. Just sleep, promise."

Luke kicked off his shoes, and pulled back the covers. He got in first. Reid was about to follow, but, "Jacob? I -"

"Jacob is fine, Reid." Luke grabbed the baby monitor, and turned the volume up to maximum. "I've got it under control. He'll probably sleep for hours. But if he doesn't, I'll take care of him." _And I'll take care of you._

Reid's mouth quirked into a small smile.

"Okay, Luke. I believe you." He got into the bed. He stroked Luke's cheek, and scooted next to him, so that their legs were touching.

Luke snuggled against Reid, and pulled him closer into a tight embrace.

Reid was amused. "You really love hugs, don't you?"

"It's pretty much my favorite thing. You'll get used to it."

"Yeah, I guess I will." Reid brushed his nose against Luke's, and kissed him tenderly. "I'm sorry about your mouth." He ran his thumb against Luke's bottom lip with a tinge of regret.

Luke grinned. "It's fine. It was actually pretty hot."

Reid yawned in response.

"Good night, Reid." Luke said softly.

"Good night, Luke."

When Reid fell asleep, he was in the broken elevator, this time with Luke. But the dream was different from reality. Luke held Reid closely, as he described the beauty of the brain.

Hugs, huh.

Yes, Reid could get used to that.


End file.
